I know this is like the first time I've posted a journal on this account...*shrug* I don't plan on posting on LiveJournal anymore (I have, in fact, deleted my account), but right now, I feel like talking. I don't have anyone in particular in mind right now; no one I want to hear me. I think, for the first time, I'm writing for myself.

A few weeks ago, I had a sort of emotional breakdown similar in nature to those that I've had since I was in high school. This one was worse, and lasted for hours on a Sunday night, returning on Wednesday afternoon. My mom thought I needed a change, or something to keep my mind off of all the things that are bothering me--good advice, really, and it worked to keep my mind of the sadness, but I went to see a counselor anyway. We talked, the counselor and me, and in the end, she said that it sounded like dysthymic depression, which, said succinctly, is a sort of chronic or cyclical depression that isn't as bad as major depression on a case-by-case basis, but lasts much longer. Well, I got the idea in my head to write down the dates on which I feel like that, and I didn't realize it was so regular. The realization doesn't actually make me sad, I just regret that I didn't try and do something about it sooner.

Well, this is me working up to saying right now that I'm sad. I'm sad, and I needed to find something do to with myself until I'm too tired to sit up straight, much less think. I've stubbed my little toe and I can't find a comfortable place in bed, so I've run from it. I'm too hot, but if I try and cool off, I get too cold. The battery is dead in the television remote, so watching it is too much trouble. My third roommate returned today, making me feel like I've cut off my alone time with Chase...the bedroom is too cluttered, my foot hurts for no reason...I'm hungry, but the thought of eating makes me nauseous. Spring Break ends tomorrow...and I feel like it passed me by.

I want to look forward to summer, but I'm having trouble seeing what nice things it holds...me feeling more useless than ever, and Chase spending more than 40 hours a week working. And then what? More school...

When I read this tomorrow, it's going to seem so dumb.